Two and a half months. The longest break I've ever taken from this blog. I thought about posting a lot, but the truth is I haven't had the motivation to do much of anything lately. A small explainer first, and then I'll get to the actual post.
This last three months has been a cluster fuck of emotions. I lost Elly, which I am no where near dealing with or even addressing in a healthy or sober fashion. My writing partner and I are making significant (But secret because that's how Hollywood works) steps into making our little show a reality. I found out that a guy named Nick, who I worked with for years, died in a really stupid and pointless way. Put all together it just made for to many emotions to deal with.
Weirdly enough, I didn't attend Elly's funeral. I couldn't. There was something to being confronted by her death that I wasn't sure I would be able to take. And maybe that was a mistake, and I would be a more healed, better person if I had sucked it up and gone. But I didn't. I did go to Nick's wake. About a hundred people (Mostly people he had worked with) gathered at the Egyptian theater in Hollywood to drink burbon and talk about him. There was food at one point but I didn't stay that long. I had a couple shots of his favorite stuff and admired how many people this gruff and slightly caustic man had touched enough that they were in mourning for him. I cried a little, but not in front of anyone. And then I walked around Hollywood for a bit and drove myself home.
The reaction I should be having to all the news we keep getting about the show should be a wash of good feelings. I don't know if it just hasn't sunk in, or if all the sad and angry things I'm feeling just wont let the good emotions poke through. I know I miss Elly. I know don't actively miss Nick, but I'm angry about the incredibly stupid way that he was lost to the world. I know that this show being made would give my sister and I the life we've been fighting for, the life we want.
And in the mean time I'm hooked on pop music. Literally. Pop music gives you a dopamine rush that no other kind of music allows. It's a good alternative to my usual summer music (Punk) and it's a cheap alternative to the therapy I so obviously need.
Enjoy
For the record that I Bastille doing the most adorable cover of a terrible Miley Cyrus song ever. EVER
This last three months has been a cluster fuck of emotions. I lost Elly, which I am no where near dealing with or even addressing in a healthy or sober fashion. My writing partner and I are making significant (But secret because that's how Hollywood works) steps into making our little show a reality. I found out that a guy named Nick, who I worked with for years, died in a really stupid and pointless way. Put all together it just made for to many emotions to deal with.
Weirdly enough, I didn't attend Elly's funeral. I couldn't. There was something to being confronted by her death that I wasn't sure I would be able to take. And maybe that was a mistake, and I would be a more healed, better person if I had sucked it up and gone. But I didn't. I did go to Nick's wake. About a hundred people (Mostly people he had worked with) gathered at the Egyptian theater in Hollywood to drink burbon and talk about him. There was food at one point but I didn't stay that long. I had a couple shots of his favorite stuff and admired how many people this gruff and slightly caustic man had touched enough that they were in mourning for him. I cried a little, but not in front of anyone. And then I walked around Hollywood for a bit and drove myself home.
The reaction I should be having to all the news we keep getting about the show should be a wash of good feelings. I don't know if it just hasn't sunk in, or if all the sad and angry things I'm feeling just wont let the good emotions poke through. I know I miss Elly. I know don't actively miss Nick, but I'm angry about the incredibly stupid way that he was lost to the world. I know that this show being made would give my sister and I the life we've been fighting for, the life we want.
And in the mean time I'm hooked on pop music. Literally. Pop music gives you a dopamine rush that no other kind of music allows. It's a good alternative to my usual summer music (Punk) and it's a cheap alternative to the therapy I so obviously need.
Enjoy
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