Folks, it's January. In Los Angeles that means that anything worth seeing in the movie theater has already been out for at least a month and the new films coming out are the bullshit that the studios knew they wouldn't make money on if they released them over the holidays or during the summer rush *cough*Parker*cough*. So for the next two months those of us who work at theaters will pull out decks of cards and talk endlessly about our Oscar predictions until the ceremony happens and we can go back to talking about how disappointing the Oscars were again. In the meantime I'd like to propose a series of crime dramas based on actual crimes that happened in the last year. I'm throwing in casting suggestions because I'm just that generous.
The Great Maple Syrup Heist (Alternate title: Black Market Pancakes)
The crime: In August of last year the Canadian government discovered that a warehouse they were using to store much of the maple syrup reserve for the country had been robbed. Take a minute to reread that sentence so it sinks in. According to an official from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers (I'm putting that on my business card) the drums holding the syrup were last checked about a year before, but someone had come in somewhere over the course of the last 12 months and bypassed the secure and fortified... chain link fence around the compound and drained the barrels. The stolen tree sap is estimated to be worth 30 million dollars.
The Great Maple Syrup Heist (Alternate title: Black Market Pancakes)
The crime: In August of last year the Canadian government discovered that a warehouse they were using to store much of the maple syrup reserve for the country had been robbed. Take a minute to reread that sentence so it sinks in. According to an official from the Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers (I'm putting that on my business card) the drums holding the syrup were last checked about a year before, but someone had come in somewhere over the course of the last 12 months and bypassed the secure and fortified... chain link fence around the compound and drained the barrels. The stolen tree sap is estimated to be worth 30 million dollars.
Makes you proud to be a Canadian, eh?
The movie: Obviously what would be the most interesting about this film is the wacky cast of characters who come up with the plan to steal maple syrup and sell it on the Canadian black market. Which takes daring and guts since much like Colombian cocaine, pure maple syrup is available at most grocery stores and diners across the continent...
The Cast: Pretty sure you're not gonna get the star power of The Italian Job or Oceans Eleven. But Bruce Willis seems fairly desperate for movie roles that cast him as a wacky badass, so have him head the team and throw in J-Lo and Taylor Kitsch who is in desperate need of a career bump. It'll be snarky magic.
I'll have a new movie up every few days. Check back in later
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